“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I find you very interesting, and I would like to talk more. Would you like to come to my hotel room for coffee?“= "makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me in that manner"?

Quote 1

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I find you very interesting, and I would like to talk more. Would you like to come to my hotel room for coffee?“

Quote 2

“I was a single women in a foreign country in a hotel elevator with you, just you, and I—don’t invite me back to your hotel room right after I finish talking about how it creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me in that manner.“

I have a hard time putting these 2 facts together and having it make sense. Is the mere act of asking a woman for coffee sexualizing her or does it need to be asked in a confined space?

This reminds me of a scene I saw in The Big Bang Theory

Penny and Stuart are home from the gallery, mainly because Captain Sweatpants showed up and touched all the cheese. Penny invites him in for coffee, but Stuart thinks it's a little late for coffee. ("Oh, you think "coffee" means coffee. That's so sweet.") She covers by saying she has decaf.

 I honestly believe that many guys would think coffee means coffee, I would think coffee is coffee, but maybe I'm just a creep.

Of elevators and coffee

By now, elevatorgate is old news, but its effects will ripple thru the skeptic and atheist community for months to come.

And I believe it all boils down to, who is responsible to make you feel safe?

It is your responsibility or is it societies responsibility?

Let's look at it from both sides

If its my responsibility, then no one is to blame for my feelings but myself. I would be required to take ownership of my fears and take steps to ensure I feel safe in my environment.

If it is the job of society to make me feel safe, I then have the right to blame everyone else for my feelings of fear. If the man on an elevator scares me, its his fault. If some black guys are standing in front of a store and I'm scared to walk in, it would be the black guys fault and the stores fault for failing to make me feel safe.

I can't accept that my feelings are not my own. We can't blame society for our fears.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, it is not their job to change their behaviour to make you feel better. They can change if they choose to, but that is their personal choice and they cannot and should not be forced to change for your sake.

I feel uncomfortable around women in many circumstances, should those women be compelled to act in a way that makes me more comfortable?

If they choose to act in a way that enhances my comfort, that is perfectly fine, but they should never be compelled to do it against their will.

We are not snowflakes that need to be protected at every turn, we are not going to nerf the world so no one gets hurt.

Life can be rough, and being scared doesn't help that, but if you believe your fear is societies responsibility, be prepared to be scared your entire life.

But if, like me, you believe your fear is your own, you can change it.

You can make yourself strong, you can carry a weapon, you can learn how to fight.

So don't waste your time saying "guys, don't do that it makes me uncomfortable". Just get up and do something about it!
- Sent From My Blackberry