On February 20th 2014, my mom passed away.
It was a horrible event in my families life, it was unexpected and sudden, and it has changed my life forever.
After her passing, I encountered many religious people in my extended family who tried to give me comfort by telling me my mom was in a better place, that she is still with us as a spirit, and that she is with god now.
I don't hold anything against anyone who told me this, I know they were only trying to help in the only way they knew how. I know my mom is gone and I just have to accept that.
Then, on May 17th I had a very vivid dream, and in the dream I saw my mom.
I gave her a hug and I could feel the warmth of her skin and the silk of her dress, I could hear her voice when she said hello, and the emotions I felt after I woke up from the dream were very real.
But it was only a dream, I know this.
However, to someone with a less skeptical mind, I can see just how easy it would be to tell myself that my mom's spirit came to me and that, in some way, she is still around.
What a tempting belief. If it was true, my mom isn't really gone, she won't miss everything that has and will happen after her passing, and most important, I would get to see her again. For a son missing his mom, this is like a dream come true
But it is only a dream, only a fantasy, and nothing more.
If only I could turn the skeptical part of my brain off, then maybe I could really believe that my mom is still here. Maybe she hears me when I cry and tell her I'm sorry shes gone. Maybe she can forgive me for all the wrongs I ever have done to her, and come and give my guidance when I need it. She can comfort me when I need it, and always be there no matter what.
It's just a shame that none of it is true, and I can't force myself to believe something which I know is not true.
So I face reality. My mom is gone. I will never see her again expect for pictures and movies. I Will Never Hug Her Again. That is reality, and that is what I must face.
To all my religious friends, I have this to say.
I know now why you believe. But it's something I can never do.
